


The Ghost of the Mountain

by Caledonia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boys In Love, Character Death, Established Relationship, Feels, Heartbreaking, I am not good at tags, M/M, Minific, Sadness, Song fic, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17418932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caledonia/pseuds/Caledonia
Summary: I have been listening to this song for years thinking it's perfect for our boys.The Ghost of the Mountain by Tired Pony. The lyrics are included at the end, and the song is a complete story in itself, I just kind of filled in the blanks.Thank you toGuessimaclotpolefor reading it first. You're wonderful.Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I am not making any money from this fic.





	The Ghost of the Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> I have been listening to this song for years thinking it's perfect for our boys. [The Ghost of the Mountain by Tired Pony](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_8I5fx2Xt0&list=OLAK5uy_m_G8F8qK1QGuToel99HXJHahxr9iDrg6g&index=11). The lyrics are included at the end, and the song is a complete story in itself, I just kind of filled in the blanks.
> 
> Thank you to [Guessimaclotpole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guessimaclotpole/pseuds/Guessimaclotpole) for reading it first. You're wonderful.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I am not making any money from this fic.

Normally the snow was impossibly deep and the white was so bright that it hurt your eyes but they loved it because it made you think that anything was possible. This year with the diagnosis fresh on their minds they were starting to resent that kind of hopefulness.

Six weeks ago the doctors said he had four weeks left. After talking to families of other patients they had opted not to go for any of the newfangled treatments that were available. Apparently they could stretch four weeks to eight, but it wouldn't be worth it. There was a loss of a sense of self, close to the end, and neither Arthur nor Merlin wanted to lose what little time they had left.

Being miserable was something that Arthur had never done very well, and he wasn't about to start now. So they left the kids with Hunith and went away to the mountains. They had a Hospice team on standby, but Arthur wasn't sick, necessarily, he was simply dying. That was the worst part. He didn't look or act or, always, feel like he was dying - he just was.

Surrounded by their memories, all the pictures and tokens of their twenty five years together, Merlin and Arthur were determined to spend their last few days together. Pretending.

</3

Merlin cooked all of Arthur's favourite foods, and they would eat slowly on a rug before the fire. They would reminisce, and laugh and never stop touching each other. Arthur’s hand would be on Merlin's knee, or Merlin’s fingers would be twined in Arthur’s hair.

They would take out the photograph albums and laugh and cry. Their wedding. The kids’ birthdays. The time Arthur constructed a ridiculous feathered hat from memory and made Merlin wear it to a party.

They would talk about the end and how Arthur wasn't scared he was just sorry. How Arthur had always known that he would leave Merlin behind, because he always did, in all their lives. They would talk about meeting again in the next one, and how long it would take them to find each other.

When Arthur felt up to it they made love, slow and careful, and it was easy. This was something they had always been good at. From arrogant, loud sex in public places when they were teenagers right through to quiet, desperate sex with the kids asleep in the next room. The chemistry and heat between them had always had a life of its own, and they weren't about to deny it now.

Inevitably Arthur would spend part of the day sleeping, and Merlin would hover over him,  surreptitiously checking his vital signs. Then he would shower and check on Arthur, tidy the house and check on Arthur, and when he was absolutely sure Arthur was sleeping soundly,  Merlin would cry. Silent and as hopeless as possible, Merlin would sit watching Arthur use up the limited breaths he had left, and he would let the grief consume him.

</3

There was nothing special about the day that Arthur died. It had snowed all night, and the world was fresh and clean in the morning, the sun blinding on the fresh snow. Merlin woke with Arthur's hands on him, warm despite the weather. They made love and then Merlin made porridge for breakfast and drizzled over the last of the honey.

They video called the kids and afterwards Merlin held Arthur as he cried. Merlin held him, and kissed his hair, brushing the tears away with his thumbs. He kissed Arthur's chin and his eyes and his lips until Arthur came back to him, smiling and kissing him back. They kissed languorously until Arthur's eyes began to close.

Merlin tucked him into the sofa, pulling the blanket up to his neck like he liked it, and they kissed one last time.

“You are my whole life, Merlin.” Arthur said as Merlin kissed his closed eyelids.

“And you are mine, Arthur.”

After Merlin had checked Arthur's steady breathing he grabbed his bag and headed for the car. There were some supplies he needed to pick up in town, so he locked Arthur into their cabin and disappeared into the snow.

Arthur felt no pain at the end. He didn't even wake up, he just passed away. When Merlin returned from town, he knew by a stillness in the air that Arthur was dead before he even opened the door.

And just like that, everything was gone.

</3

The foot crunched snow  
And there's a lifetime in the space between your steps  
You weren't to know  
I was ending as you stole out in the white  
Your final kiss  
Is a ghost upon my lips upon my eyes  
The pale blue sky  
Hangs like a sad remainder of the sum of us  
If I'm ready for the next world then  
I'm ready for the deepest earth  
If there's a magic in the after  
It'll never beat the sight of you

I'm not a man  
I'm just a shadow just a fragment just a ghost  
The best of me  
It was never quite the best that you deserved  
You are the start  
But you're the sweetest bitter end I could have hoped for  
Don't look for me  
Just keep your blue eyes on the road away from here

If I'm ready for the next world then  
I'm ready for the deepest earth  
If there's a magic in the after  
It'll never beat the sight of you

I'm not a man  
I'm just a shadow just a fragment just a ghost

~ [The Ghost of the Mountain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_8I5fx2Xt0&list=OLAK5uy_m_G8F8qK1QGuToel99HXJHahxr9iDrg6g&index=11) by Tired Pony

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> I *may* write a minific for the rest of the songs on the album, but I'm not sure.


End file.
